Archive for September, 2011

Darling Hubby (DH)

September 30, 2011

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I have been reviewing the growing number of blogs to which my reader seems to have subscribed (surely that wasn’t me?).  I have also been perusing a number of blogs that friends follow.

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I have realised that one of the things that instantly turns me off a blog or leaves me with a warm fuzzy, is the way they speak about their husbands/partners/Dad’s-in-their-lives.

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My DH is special.  I love him dearly.  I have vowed to spend the rest of my life loving, honouring and cherishing him.  And I hope that I do. 

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Of course, there are times that he drives me crazy, just as anyone living in close proximity would.  That is what I have my girlfriends for.  We can get together and let off steam, because, frankly, we know that is what we are doing and that our men and good blokes that we really do love and respect.

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But my whining is not for public sharing.  It is not even for sharing with most of the people I know, just with the few who know the score.

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And I really can’t abide blogs that are so disrespectful of their partners.  What has surprised me lately, is how many of them there are out there.  I hope this never falls into that category.

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So I have decided that my Darling Hubby deserves a better pseudonym than “DH”.  But what do I call him?

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In keeping with the animal theme, I thought about “Emu” or “Penguin” – species with “good” fathers.  Or maybe “Albatross” who make “good” mates.  None of them seem to fit.  I could call him Mr (insert name), but NO one calls him that (we aren’t that old, are we?)  Maybe Mr Seahorse – they do mate for life (don’t they?) and the males carry the eggs (although, to be honest, DH doesn’t really get pregnancy).  Or Rex – Rex is the name he has given to everything for years – dogs, fish, motorbikes…  Or The Biker Man – just ‘cos he’d like that.

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Hmmm.  Decisions.  He may remain “DH” for a while yet.  But at least he is my DH.

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Things I Know Friday

September 30, 2011

Playing along with Shae and Yay for Home via Sam-O at Living Life Playing the Glad Game

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Things I know…

I know this is a cheater’s way to do a blog entry, but it might get me to write one each Friday.

I know that I am not ready for it to be October yet.  Where has this year gone?

I am so glad that my sister is healthy and home from hospital, even if the surgery was way more radical than expected.

I know that pink is a gorgeous colour.  I am glad that it makes my Little Princess look so pretty, and that she is happy to wear it.

I know that Zhu-Zhu pets are lots of fun.  Bandicoot, Little Princess and I have been chasing two guinea pigs around the lounge room for ages now.

I know that ordering a cubby house for the backyard is impressively difficult.

I know that I need some extra sleep.  And some extra discipline to make the most of the sleeping time I do have!

 

What do you know this Friday?

Embrace the Camera – 29th September

September 29, 2011

Bandicoot is 3 years 3 months

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Bandicoot wanted his photo taken with Mummy and Daddy yesterday.  I love this shot, even ‘though it isn’t the best of any of us.  It is just all happy and snuggly.

I love my little Bandicoot.

 

 

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Play along with Emily at The Anderson Crew.

Happy Michaelmas

September 29, 2011

Today is Michaelmas.

Happy Michaelmas.

If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, it is time to stop eating blackberries (they aren’t in season, here.)  Apparently, according to legend, when St Michael threw satan out of Heaven he landed in blackberry brambles, so you don’t eat them after Michaelmas.

I had intended to celebrate Michaelmas with the kids today, but it just didn’t happen again this year.  *sigh*  One day.

I had hoped to make some model dragons.  That would be so cool!  (I have some modelling clay, so, if it isn’t already too chaotic, we might do it on the weekend.)

I also would love to read them the story of St Michael and satan.  I need to find a good kids book of it.

I should start looking now so that I can have it ready for next year.

To Pin or Not to Pin

September 29, 2011

I like to Tumble. 

I have a Tumblr blog that I use to bookmark lots of the wonderful and interesting things I find of the internet.  You know the kind of thing: nice pictures, quotes, ideas for activities with the kids etc.

Now Pinterest has a arrived and has become the latest fad amongst many of the blogs I follow.

I have resisted.  I love the way my Tumblr works, and it works for me.  I really don’t want to get caught trawling through even more ideas, especially when I can’t keep up with the ones I already follow.  And, to be honest, I just don’t have the time to learn something else merely for the sake of keeping up.

However, The Modern Marigold has set up this challenge.  I have to say, I am… intrigued? interested? challenged? in, maybe.

I have recently been thinking about my ever growing list of inspiration, which I love even more when I look at the archive page (ooo!  Pretty pictures!) and come to the conclusion that I need to do more.

So I am.

This week I have made this: Nutella Hot Chocolate  (Check out all those pings!  I think this one really has struck a chord.)  This pic is from the original post:

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I didn’t take a photo of mine – I only winged the recipe because I didn’t want to have to reboot the computer at the time – and I used 1Tbsp of cocoa and 1 Tbsp of Nutella.  I also omitted the whipped cream but it was still seriously good.  (Next time I might use a little boiled water to see if that helps dissolve the Nutella a little better.)

I wonder what I will get to next?

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Shards of Glass

September 2, 2011

Tonight I am feeling shattered.

I am no longer being tugged in all directions.  I am beyond being overwhelmed.  I have shattered.

I feel like I am looking at my world through a smashed pain of glass and a different aspect of my life is refracted in each facet.  A different aspect of my life, each clamouring for importance, each clamouring for my attention.

Today my family met at the Alzheimer’s association for a group counselling session.  My birth family.  My siblings and I.  My mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease, as well as Vascular Dementia.  I don’t know what else to say about that just now.  Are there words to describe it?  Am I numb?  I don’t think I am numb, but maybe I am in shock again, the same as I was when I first heard the words, even ‘though I had known for years.

It isn’t pretty.  One thing that my family does not specialise in is well-functioning adults.  Limping along, bloody-minded survivors, for sure, but not well-functioning.

There is a lot of buried anger, pain and grief from when my Dad was sick (he died 6 years ago after a protracted illness-Lewy’s Bodies Dementia) and it is rearing infected, puss-filled heads in the most inappropriate of places.  Mostly we are determined that it won’t be like that again.  I hope we are right.

Then there are the family dynamics.  I don’t want to say politics.  Eight is a lot of kids.  Eight is too many to be a single team with strong and equivalent bonds with everyone.  It is a lot of intimate relationships to maintain.  Too many.  So there are divisions.  Age, location, personality… you name it.  They can change over time as various other things change, but I sometimes envy friends with small families who have a super-glue strong bond with all their siblings.

These similarities and differences are exacerbated under this kind of stress.  I often find myself as a kind of sounding board and interpreter for some of my siblings.  I am good at that.  But this time, I can see I am going to end up caught between my own well-being and need to express and support certain outcomes, and my role trying to keep some members of the family as members of the family.  There are some bits that are pretty messy.  I don’t want to have to choose sides like some kind of adolescent war.

Then there is the extended family.  My niece (by marriage to my godson) is expecting a baby in two months time.  They only live 10 minutes up the road, but I can’t see her or speak to her at the moment.  I am still traumatised by Little Princess’ birth, eight months ago.  I get crowning pains when I see pregnant women or young babies.  I remember the feeling when they brought me back to consciousness during the labour and all I could think was, “Why did you bring me back for THIS?”

Or how about two others of my nieces with whom I have been really close friends, who also have small children and now I never get to see?  I miss them.  I want my kids to have cousins.  Cousins are great.  I love my nieces (and nephews) and I want to spend time with them, but what time?

And my friends.  I have a couple of friends going through really tough times at the moment, and I have hardly seen either of them.  Not the way I would like to.

And then there are my kids.  We have had the flu going around our house for five weeks now, so everyone has been that bit more needy.  Little Princess and Bandicoot still need Mama to snuggle them so they can sleep (among all the other snuggles they need).  Possum, tries not to need me so much, but oh he does.  Just in different ways.  I am torn just with the three of them, let alone all the other bits.

And DH, too.  Sometimes I feel like we communicate with smoke signals over a chasm.  I am glad we had all those years to build our relationship so that we can keep in touch as best we can in the snippets of time we have.

I think I was already stretched to my limit.  Onto this taut arena the huge bomb of Alzheimer’s and its associated emotional turmoil has been dropped.

I feel like my life is shattered.  Well, no.  Not my life.  My life is still all there screaming out for me in a thousand different voices.  I am now shattered.  I need to regroup.  To downsize my care spectrum.  But I can no longer work out what is important.

Is it selfish of me to focus mostly on my kids?  To drop so many other commitments?  Am I hiding behind them, as no one can deny me that they are allowed to be the most important thing in my life?

I don’t know.

I need to get a couple of the shards back together, ‘though.  Give me something to look through.  All I can see are glinty little glimpses, no real pictures, they are too broken up.

We are going to the snow today.  I need to get up in 2 1/2 hours at the latest.  That is with a “sleep-in”.  A sleep-in?  I haven’t been able to go to sleep yet.  It is going to be a hard day.  Five hours driving (plus stops) with the kids going nuts.  DH is sleeping poorly, if at all, tonight, too.  We haven’t packed.  We have doctors’ appointments in the morning.  Everything is chaos.  Shards of glass, shards of glass.

Shards of glass.